Tuesday, February 18, 2014

why you should never ever ever ask a women if she's pregnant

its pretty clear that i am officially preggers. at least, i hope. i mean, people, i'm 22 weeks. if you don't know by now, you  need to do some serious interweb stalking. but back to me being pregnant. now that you all are officially aware that i am, i feel like it's time for this post.

i would think that all of this would be common sense. especially to women who have been there, but it's not because a lot [not all] of these stories relate to myself. ladies, are you not frustrated? i was so frustrated. i'm over it now [mostly], so it's time to talk about it. and help save the other poor girls who may fall under this miserable fate.

maybe she's gaining weight. yeah i put that one first. why? oh, because it is the most common and happens on regular basis, and hello?! how rude. we all carry our weight differently, some women just happen to pack it on right in the baby-machine. and sometimes, when you just had a splurge of a food eating day, you get a serious food-baby [called that for a reason!]. so asking if she is pregnant is basically dooming her to eat lots and lots of chocolate. and thus add to the situation. no bueno.

maybe the poor girl is trying to get pregnant. asking if she is, or when she will be is not helpful. at all. it's kind of painful. maybe her and hubby have been trying for months with no success and you just had to open the flood gates of emotion that come from seeing the negative sign on a test. it's not pretty. thank you for asking. not.

maybe she actually was pregnant and miscarried. congratulations, you're about to feel super guilty for asking because she is about to tell you the horrible news. thank you again for asking. you just poured an entire bottle of lemon juice on an incredibly sensitive wound. miscarriages are extremely difficult and emotionally draining. don't mind me if i go cry now.

maybe she isn't ready for babies at all! perhaps babies aren't in the plans for the next two or three years and question after question after question of pregnancy plans is about to drive her crazy. not to mention the looks of horror and disdain when she gives the honest answer. this reason doesn't exactly cause pain, but really? it's annoying.

maybe mama bear is ready and hubby isn't. frustration. or maybe hubby is ready and mama bear isn't and you  just pushed a very sensitive button. uber frustration. thanks for joining the married game even though the three of you aren't married.

maybe she actually is pregnant, and guess what? she's not ready to tell anyone. way to ruin everything. and i mean everything, because it's impossible to hide the excitement, but wait, i just took the test yesterday. and i haven't even told my mother, and the list goes on.

maybe it's just really not your business. i hope you got that from all of the above reasons. that's basically the bottom line.

i'm pretty sure baby-making is kind of a private matter. and deciding when, isn't everyone else's job. whoever the lovely little mama is will tell you when she is ready! let her tell you, let her share her exciting news when the time is right. and if she is the one who brings up any other conversation mentioned above, you are automatically invited to talk about it. but let her bring it up. here's the #1 rule:

if you have to ask, don't. 

eventually her belly will stick out, word will get around, or she will post it on facebook [or her blog], but for the sake of women everywhere, our extremely sensitive emotions, and the sanity of humankind, don't put your nose in the business of babies.

unless you're like bestest friends/bestest family and it's already a topic of regular conversation. thankyouandgoodnight.


  1. Ooh! Now let's follow up with all the the come-backs women can give because we all know.... They. Will. Ask.

  2. (My other favorite come-back category is in answer to: when are you gonna stop having kids? Also no one's business)

  3. Here's a mistake I made once:
    ME: "When is the baby due?" (with a smile)
    LADY WITH A BULGE: "The baby is six weeks old" (grimacing angrily).
    ME: ...searching desperately for a hole to hide in...
    Now I follow Dave Barry's advice: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you can actually see the baby emerging from her body. And not even then.

    1. HA! That last part. Oh boy, I hope I don't have to see any other woman's baby emerging from her body!