the night of october 15th was pretty restless. i knew in the morning i would be taking the test. i snuck into my craft room and boxed up a tiny white pair of socks, just in case.
it was pretty hard to sleep. i was really reluctant to even take the test because the month before was really difficult for me. but on the other had i was really hopeful. i was already 3 days late. i just didn't want to get my hopes up again. a lot of mixed emotions means no sleep.
when the alarm went off in the morning the butterflies set in. i groggily wished brock a happy birthday and went straight into the bathroom. i took the test right away and hid it in the cupboard without even looking. i couldn't make myself do it. brock got ready for work then went to the kitchen to study while I made him breakfast. once i had everything cooking, i faced my fears and went back to the bathroom.
two lines. clear as day! i grabbed the tiny box of socks and went back to the kitchen, hiding the box and test just around the corner. i finished up breakfast and we ate. i always finish before him. i'm a fast eater and I eat less than he does anyway. so i started cleaning up and then when there was nothing left for my hands to do, i went and got my secret stash.
with the test behind my back, i pushed the box in front of brock and said happy birthday. he looked at me like you shouldn't have. he does that. then he opened the box. with his attention on the socks, i pulled the test out from behind my back. when realization hit him, he looked up at me and the test in a whole lot of shock! so i said the obvious,
we're gonna have a baby!
still stunned for a moment, but stunned and smiling. then he hopped out of his chair and ran around in a circle in the middle of the kitchen. like a little boy. it was adorable.
then the hugging and kissing and the silly grins you can't wipe off your face. i was finally allowing myself to be excited and i think i overdid it. i had known for at least 20 minutes, but it hadn't really hit me until that moment in the kitchen. in his arms. we were going to have a baby! and yes, i teared up. and shocker, i think brock did, too. i can't be sure because I have never actually seen him cry. but i'm pretty sure he did. we're just going to pretend that even if it was morning eye grogginess or allergies, for my own peace, he teared up.
it all made the wait so worth it. all the stress i put myself through. hello, little holland. welcome to the family.